Everyday Failure

I don’t understand how you can still love me. Everyday the same things, the same mistakes, the same struggles, the same warnings that I conveniently ignore.  It’s not that I want to do these things, and yet, I still do. And I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I do them, and how you can still love me.

Everyday struggles, every minute struggles, knowing what is right, desiring to do what is right, and yet doing what I hate. Doing what you hate. And still you love me…unfailingly.

When will I understand that you call me Holy, that I am Sought After, that I am no longer deserted?  When will that sink in until it permeates every part of me, even the depths and ugliness of my failures? I fear tomorrow will be more of the same.

And yet, in one magnificent moment, in one great act of sacrifice, selflessness, holy grandeur, you took my wretchedness upon yourself and called me, “Mine.”

Selfishly, I ask you to do it again… to make me new again, to wash of all of this self-deprecating, guilt-inducing, heart-wrenching wickedness from me…again. But you say no. That it is finished. It can’t be undone or redone.  Through my despair You remind me that You have swept away my offenses like a cloud, my sins like the morning mist.  “Return to me,” you say again.

Your invitation draws me back to You and in the comfort of Your arms I am reminded that you have already redeemed this everyday failure.

 

 

(Romans 7:14-16, Exodus 15:13, Isaiah 43:1, Isaiah 44:22, Isaiah 62:12, Galations 3:13)

An Update

I have to say, this road of support raising and transitioning to missionary life is nothing if not faith building! It is a stretching and yet extremely powerful thing to confess everyday to the Lord that “my job is to obey, Your job is to provide.”  It is so encouraging to know that when God calls us to something, He is going to provide the way!

That said, I thought I would give a little update on where I am in the support raising process.  Before I begin, I think it’s important to explain how it all works.

Basically, any money that is sent in to My Father’s House International (MFHI) with my name attached to it is put into my “fund.” I submit a budget to them and then based on that, they pay me a “salary” out of my fund. If more money comes in than my monthly “salary,” then it is kept in my fund. That will be used to supplement any months where my support comes up short or to help pay for any plane tickets or unforeseen expenses.  So, when someone donates on my behalf, you are actually donating to MFHI to pay my salary. It really is a great system of accountability, both for me, to keep my finances straight, and to the IRS, to make sure that I am living above reproach as far as taxes go.

So here is where I am in my fund with MFHI:

One-time gifts: In my last report from MFHI $4200 in one-time gifts had been received on my behalf. That is amazing! My one-time moving expenses are a little over $5000 so I am so close to meeting that goal. My hope is to move above that goal in order to have a little extra in my fund for the months where I come up short on monthly giving.

Monthly Giving Commitments: As of today, my monthly goal of $1840 is 55% ($990) fulfilled.  I am so encouraged by this! It has been extremely humbling to see the commitments start to come in on my form. I am so grateful for each person who has been praying for me and for those who have committed to supporting this journey. I am praying to reach the 80% mark in monthly giving by the end of the year ($1472).

So that’s where I am! If you would like to be a part of this journey through financial support, prayer support, or to receive email updates, please fill out this form. Thanks for reading!

Why Am I Going All That Way?

The closer I get to my departure date to El Salvador, the more I think about my goals and what my role will be down there. I know what my role will be as far as the short-term teams go, but what about my role with the kids of La Casa? They are the ones that have worked their way down deep in my heart and who have opened it up to something brand new. I heard Bob Goff say last week, “It’s always the four-footers that make the difference.” That could not be truer in my life.

The idea of mentoring the girls absolutely lights me on fire, but what does it mean to mentor them? That question has been rolling around in my heart along with: What are the truths that I want them to hold in their hearts? How will my relationship with them be different from the other adults already in their lives? They already have incredible adults investing in them regularly at La Casa, so why would they need me? Surely God isn’t calling me to go all that way just to be more of the same.

The more I think and pray about this, the more I have realized that God is placing me in a very unique position with the kids. My job will be teams. My job isn’t the kids, so I am not an adult with a disciplining role in their lives. I am not a parent figure. But when kids don’t want to talk to their “parents” about something, they need to be talking to someone. I can be that person; an adult to help them interpret the information that is being thrown at the constantly. An adult, not in a disciplinary position that can emphasize that they are not who they used to be. An adult who can encourage them to “live a life worthy of the calling they have received (Eph 4:1).” A friend who has walked the road a few steps ahead of them, who sees them for who they are and who they can become. Someone who knows them not from their painful past, but from the road of healing.

This is a high calling. That is why I am going all that way.

If you would like to be a part of this journey by receiving updates or participating on the Prayer or Financial teams, please take a minute to fill out this form.  Thanks!

Will You Be A Part of the Story?

My friend, Zach, posted this on his blog yesterday and I absolutely loved it!  Honestly, I teared up a little bit…especially the question he asks towards the end.  I feel so blessed to be stepping into this great adventure to El Salvador and this video made me overwhelming thankful for the journey that God has taken me on, especially this past year.  So take a minute to watch it and reflect on your own story.

Is partnering with me and La Casa de mi Padre potentially a next step in your story? If so, I would love to share more about it with you! Or if you are one of those people (like me) who just want to read about it on your own, I have linked some posts below. If you already know you would like to be a part of my prayer or financial support team, click here to fill out a quick form! (The form is for those that just want email updates too!)

My El Salvador Story: