Alone (What I Learned from Good Friday)

Since Good Friday is in the title of this post, you should expect it to be deep, super spiritual, and maybe even emotional. After all, this is the day that our Savior took our sins upon himself (his perfect, sinless self mind you) and died for us. It is a beautiful day of reflection and thanks as we remember.

But this post isn’t deep or super spiritual. It’s just emotional. It’s emotional because I am sitting here in my room realizing that I haven’t been able to reflect on what this day is about because I am too tired. I literally was reading the Good Friday story in Luke this morning and could barely pay attention. My mind kept wandering to basically nothing. I was too tired to focus. I know, I know…way to go missionary!

This has been the first day I haven’t left the house since I have been in El Salvador. It’s the first day that I have retreated into the treehouse or locked myself in my room for a few hours (without sleeping) since I have been here.  It’s the first day that I have allowed myself to recharge.

The problem was that I had let myself get so empty, that all I could think about today was myself.  All I could think about was how much I am missing home, which was extra emotional for me because I am so empty.

Good Friday has reminded me that I need to take some time by myself very regularly. I am an introvert, so I need it to recharge. It doesn’t mean I love the kids less. It doesn’t mean I love El Salvador less. I just need the time to reflect on God’s goodness, to rest, to pray, to just be. Alone.

When I’m refreshed and fully charged, it’s a whole lot easier to remember that:

“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.” (Neh 6:3)