I Am A Mother

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Mother’s Day is a very big deal in El Salvador and is celebrated each year on May 10.  So this year it fell on a Friday, which meant it was celebrated all weekend.

At the risk of being too transparent here on the internet, Mother’s Day has been a tricky thing for me over the last few years. You see, it’s always been a dream of mine to be a mother. Some of my earliest memories involve playing house with dolls and dreaming of the day when I would be a mother. And yet here I am, 31 years old, and not yet a mother. Don’t worry, this isn’t a rant, and it’s not something I am bitter about, but I have been broken hearted about it sometimes. And I have wondered why. So as you can see, Mother’s Day can be a little tricky for me. Celebrating and mourning all at the same time.

This year it was even trickier because now I work with a bunch of beautiful kids who were without their moms on Mother’s Day. As I walked into La Casa de mi Padre for the celebration on Friday, I knew that we would be celebrating all of the mother’s on staff, I just didn’t know that included me. The photo you see above is my very first Mother’s Day gift. To these kids, I am a mother, and they were so excited to give that to me! I love them and care for them as a mother would. I laugh with them, I give and receive hugs, I get angry with them, I catch their tears with my hands and my heart, I listen to their hopes, dreams and secrets. I try desperately to show them the extravagant love of Jesus. And something has shifted in my heart. God has made me a mother. It’s not like I had always thought it would be, but it is a deep, fulfilling, and sometimes painful love that I could never have imagined. But this weekend, as I was showered with cards, hugs, “I love you’s,” paper flowers, and love, I couldn’t help but be grateful.

So here I am, 31 years old, and I’m a mother.

Hope postponed grieves the heart;
    but when a dream comes true, life is full and sweet. (Proverbs 13:12)