Mother’s Day is a very big deal in El Salvador and is celebrated each year on May 10.  So this year it fell on a Friday, which meant it was celebrated all weekend.

At the risk of being too transparent here on the internet, Mother’s Day has been a tricky thing for me over the last few years. You see, it’s always been a dream of mine to be a mother. Some of my earliest memories involve playing house with dolls and dreaming of the day when I would be a mother. And yet here I am, 31 years old, and not yet a mother. Don’t worry, this isn’t a rant, and it’s not something I am bitter about, but I have been broken hearted about it sometimes. And I have wondered why. So as you can see, Mother’s Day can be a little tricky for me. Celebrating and mourning all at the same time.

This year it was even trickier because now I work with a bunch of beautiful kids who were without their moms on Mother’s Day. As I walked into La Casa de mi Padre for the celebration on Friday, I knew that we would be celebrating all of the mother’s on staff, I just didn’t know that included me. The photo you see above is my very first Mother’s Day gift. To these kids, I am a mother, and they were so excited to give that to me! I love them and care for them as a mother would. I laugh with them, I give and receive hugs, I get angry with them, I catch their tears with my hands and my heart, I listen to their hopes, dreams and secrets. I try desperately to show them the extravagant love of Jesus. And something has shifted in my heart. God has made me a mother. It’s not like I had always thought it would be, but it is a deep, fulfilling, and sometimes painful love that I could never have imagined. But this weekend, as I was showered with cards, hugs, “I love you’s,” paper flowers, and love, I couldn’t help but be grateful.

So here I am, 31 years old, and I’m a mother.

Hope postponed grieves the heart;
    but when a dream comes true, life is full and sweet. (Proverbs 13:12)

1. Me first. This is the most important rule of all. The goal of your driving should be to get where you want to go, as fast as you can, and to cut off all other people, including pedestrians in the process. Life is generally relaxed here, but the relaxation does not apply to driving. If you don’t think about only yourself, you will get hit.
   
2. Buses always win. This is the only exception to rule #1. They are bigger, they are meaner, and they are full of people thinking “me first,” so they always win. If you don’t respect the buses, you will get hit.
3. Exit the roundabouts from the inside lane. When entering the roundabout, get to the inside lane as fast as possible. When it is time to exit, exit from the middle lane. People in the outside lane will be expecting you to cut them off, so just do it. I know this defies all common sense, but if you don’t do it, you will get hit.
4. You should never be in the outside lane of a roundabout. If you are taking the first exit of a roundabout, that could be the only time it would be ok, but still it’s not a great reason. Even if you are taking the first exit, the people in the inside lane are also exiting and reserve the right to cut you off…they are in the inside lane after all. So pretty much don’t use the outside lane or you will get hit.
5. Stop signs are suggestions. You can slow down and look, but unless it’s a busy intersection, don’t stop all the way or you will get hit.
6. Pedestrians do not have the right of way. Don’t stop for them. You will get hit.
7. Your hazard lights serve as your invisible force field. These can be used at any time for any reason and serve as an invisible field of protection that is respected by all. You want to wait for a parking spot, turn on your flashers. Need to stop for a random reason in the middle of a busy road? No problem! Turn on your flashers and everyone will go around you. It is truly magical.

Now it’s time to go pick up my parents from the airport and let them experience the rules of the road in El Salvador!

Sit here with me and tell me your story

Even if it breaks my heart, let me see your scars

Shame will whisper, but we can’t listen

‘Cause these are the stories that make us who we are

And I love who you are

Beautiful scars, your beautiful scars

Reminders of the wounded love that has carried us this far

Beautiful scars, your beautiful scars

Turning the marks of our pain into beautiful scars

(“Beautiful Scars” by Steven Curtis Chapman)

I am amazed and truly overwhelmed everyday at how faithfully God restores broken things. We are all so broken, so full of scars and pain, and yet God makes us new. He turns our beauty into ashes. I have never seen this more beautifully displayed than with the kids of La Casa de mi Padre. They still have a long way to go, true. I still have a long way to go. But the marks of their pain are truly transforming into beautiful scars and I have never been more privileged than now to sit and listen to their stories. Even though it breaks my heart, it is the greatest privilege of my life.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3

]]> http://www.kellymoreton.com/2013/04/15/beautiful-scars/feed/ 0 http://www.kellymoreton.com/2013/03/29/updates-support/ http://www.kellymoreton.com/2013/03/29/updates-support/#comments Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:24:36 +0000 Kelly Moreton http://www.kellymoreton.com/?p=2053 Continue reading →]]> Hey Blog Readers!

I get a lot of questions about how to receive email updates and where to send financial support, so I have created a tab on this blog with the relevant information. You can find it here.

Thanks!

Kelly

But this post isn’t deep or super spiritual. It’s just emotional. It’s emotional because I am sitting here in my room realizing that I haven’t been able to reflect on what this day is about because I am too tired. I literally was reading the Good Friday story in Luke this morning and could barely pay attention. My mind kept wandering to basically nothing. I was too tired to focus. I know, I know…way to go missionary!

This has been the first day I haven’t left the house since I have been in El Salvador. It’s the first day that I have retreated into the treehouse or locked myself in my room for a few hours (without sleeping) since I have been here.  It’s the first day that I have allowed myself to recharge.

The problem was that I had let myself get so empty, that all I could think about today was myself.  All I could think about was how much I am missing home, which was extra emotional for me because I am so empty.

Good Friday has reminded me that I need to take some time by myself very regularly. I am an introvert, so I need it to recharge. It doesn’t mean I love the kids less. It doesn’t mean I love El Salvador less. I just need the time to reflect on God’s goodness, to rest, to pray, to just be. Alone.

When I’m refreshed and fully charged, it’s a whole lot easier to remember that:

“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.” (Neh 6:3)

So today I was “talking” with one of the teens who speaks absolutely no English. I mean none, and we decided that we are going to help each other out with our languages. She is fourteen and pretty new to La Casa, so I am excited about getting to know her better. So I taught her how to say “cool” because it’s pretty useful. And then she said asked me what the word “cake” meant (she said “cake” in English), so I told her, and then she said “cool.” I said (in Spanish) “two words in English!” and we high fived.

Let the connection begin.

Joshua and the Israelites were commanded by the Lord to take the land that was set before them.  Taking the land pretty much meant wiping out all of the other people in it and taking their cities. Not super fun for the people already in the land. Earlier chapters in Joshua describe the battle of Ai and how successful, with the help of the Lord, the Israelites had been in defeating that city. As you can imagine, news of that battle spread throughout the land and the people were afraid.

The Gibeonites were getting pretty close to next on the list, so they started making a plan. Their plan was actually pretty genius. They put on old, dirty clothes, gathered up some moldy bread, found some old, cracked wineskins, and set out towards the Israelites. When they got to them they told the Israelites that they were from a distant land and that they had travelled a great distance to see them (afterall, look at all of the old nasty stuff they brought with them!). Joshua listened to what they said, surveyed their old nasty supplies, and decided they must be from a distant land. So they made a peace treaty with them.

This is a problem because they weren’t from a distant land, they were from next door, and the Israelites had been commanded to take their land. In fact, there is a great verse, Joshua 9:14, that says “The Israelites sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord.”  Woops. They looked at what could be seen, decided that their reasoning was enough to make the decision, and they totally messed up the plan.

But, a treaty is a treaty, so they had to stick with it.

So moving into chapter 10 we find the Gibeonites getting attacked by all of the other people in the land because of their stupid treaty that never should have happened, and Israel now has to go help these people that they were actually supposed to destroy. I can just imagine what was going through Joshua’s head as he and his armies were heading back to Gibeon. He had to be thinking that it was going to be a disaster. If he had only inquired of the Lord…if only…if only…if only….

And God could have said to Joshua, “You know, you got yourself into this mess.” But instead He says, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.” (vs 10:8) No mention of the previous blunder. No mention of I told you so. Just, don’t be afraid, I’ve got this.

And not only did Joshua and the Israelites go in and defeat these guys, but as soon as the other armies started fleeing down the road, God knocked them out with hail. The Bible says that more of them died from hail than from the sword!

The Bible also says that in order to properly defeat these guys, Joshua ordered the sun to stand still…and it actually did! It stayed in place about a full day. Joshua 10:14 says “There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel.”

So yeah, Joshua totally messed up by making that treaty. And yeah, he ended up having to back track and fight an intense battle because of it, but his failure wasn’t final.  He was still usable. In fact, God even thought he was worthy enough to listen to.

What failure are you hiding under today? I can guarantee you it’s not final.

There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.

- Brutus (Julius Caesar)

It’s that time. It’s high tide. On such full sea I am now afloat. Today I leave for El Salvador, to take the current when it serves. I couldn’t be more excited! No looking back…no regrets…no wondering what could have been.

It’s time to go!

1. Tribes – Seth Godin
2. Five Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter – Vicky Courtney
3. The Making of an Atheist: How Immorality Leads to Unbelief – James Speigel
4. Washington: A Life – Ron Chernow
5. No Way Down: Life and Death on K2 – Graham Bowley
6. The History of Love: A Novel – Nicole Krauss
7. Uncensored Grace: Stories of Hope from the Streets of Vegas – Jud Wilhite
8. The Long Run – Mishka Shubulay
9. Citizen Soldiers: The U.S. Army from the Normandy Beaches to the Bulge to the Surrender of Germany – Stephen Ambrose
10. Crazy Horse and Custer: The Parallel Lives of Two American Warriors – Stephen Ambrose
11. The Mormonizing of America: How the Mormon Religion Became a Dominant Force in Politics, Entertainment, and Pop Culture – Stephen Mansfield
12. Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions – Lysa Tyrkeurst
13. How the Irish Saved Civilization – Thomas Cahill
14. Families Where Grace is in Place -  Jeff VanVonderen
15. Run With the Horses: The Quest for Life at its Best – Eugene Peterson
16. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking – Susan Cain
17. Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination That Changed America Forever – Bill O’Reilly
18. We Sinners: A Novel - Hanna Pylväinen
19. Detroit: A Biography - Scott Martelle
20. Ike’s Spies: Eisenhower and the Espionage Establishment – Stephen Ambrose
21. The Supreme Commander – Stephen Ambrose
22. Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are – Kevin Leman
23. Andrew Jackson: His Life and Times – H.W. Brands
24. Wild (From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail) - Cheryl Strayed
25. Empty Promises: The Truth About You, Your Desires, and the Lies You’re Believing – Pete Wilson
26. Room: A Novel -  Emma Donoghue
27. Torn: Trusting God When Life Leaves You In Pieces – Jud Wilhite
28. You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving the Church…and Rethinking Faith - David Kinnaman
29. D-Day: June 6, 1944: The Climatic Battle of WWII – Stephen Ambrose

Going is great! I really can’t wait to be there! For so many reasons, but mostly because I know this is exactly where God wants me to be. I genuinely feel like my life has built up to this moment. I am prepared, I am called, I am ready. I am so ready!

But I will tell you what, leaving is hard. I didn’t think it would be easy, but I didn’t expect the huge sadness that I feel right now. I am grieving…and that’s ok. I was in the car yesterday and an old Rich Mullins song came on with the lyrics “hold me Jesus, cause I’m shaking like a leaf. You have been King of my glory, won’t you be my Prince of Peace?” Oh man, those lyrics hit me hard.  I had no idea how much I was shaking.  How much my soul is longing for my Prince of Peace. I am so accustomed to going at things alone. I’m a fighter, so I was fighting alone. But I so desperately need my Prince of Peace now more than ever.

My friend, Christine, describes this time as a paradox.  She would know because she is going through the same thing right now. She told me yesterday that she is praying 2 Corinthians 4 for me, so I went and read that today. I think the last paragraph of that passage is the best way to describe what I am feeling right now.

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.